I've been having some stomach issues and so I finally decided to go to the doctor. AGAIN. I say I've been having some stomach issues like they've just started. I have had stomach issues for as long as I can remember. But finally, my chest hurt so bad that I decided a doctor visit was in order. I thought I really might be dying. I even took myself to the EMT at the last rodeo. I figured Emma would die of embarrassment but she was genuinely concerned for me.
As I looked back through my writing and journaling, and medical notes and Lord knows you need to keep your own records because apparently the doctors don't...this stomach and chest thing have been like a bad reoccurring dream for me. I seem to be on a vicious cycle, year after year of the same stuff. I seem to have the same illnesses, do the same things, like the same things, feel the same emotions in such consistency that you could bank on it. The redundancy is a little sad, save a new trip here and there, but rest assured, always dealing with rodeo, softball (gosh how I miss watching her pitch), insurance or bulls. Rarely is it just a trip just for fun, even though I always manage to find fun everywhere I go and of course love watching my girls compete. But the stupid stomach pain, chest pains and dizziness have even been screwing that up for me. The pain is tolerable but the bloating that goes with it is not. I can drink a glass of water and look pregnant. It's ridiculous. And if I eat anything, well get out the maternity pants. And prepare for the burpathon of the century. Don't challenge me. I will win that contest. I haven't practiced burping my A,B,C's yet but I bet I can.
Something is probably sparking these timely episodes of anxiety and the pain, and if I'd go talk to a licensed professional and discuss my feelings, I'd probably get to the bottom of some of it but instead I choose to just complain to Jennifer, the dogs, bulls, chickens, horses, the Cowboy and the world wide web. Y'all need to hurry up and diagnose me so I can get on with my life. LOL! The doctor says I have a very high tolerance for pain and can't believe I do the things I do. I explained that perhaps but I also have a Cowboy with a very low tolerance for my pain. Especially hearing about it. Hahahaha! So for that reason, I try and just deal with it. Keep on keeping on.
Well with my latest array of testing and doctor visits, in a complete shot in the dark, the doctor suggested I try to eat gluten free. I may have already written about this. I'm sure I have since I do the exact same things, year after year. I probably have early onset dementia as well. I swear, I SWORE I'd never be that old person that talks about their illnesses all the time and here I am.
So I tried the gluten free nonsense. The first week I felt better, then I didn't, then I lost about 6 pounds in two weeks which was exciting and I felt a little better, then I didn't feel better, but after about six weeks, I really do feel better. My stomach seems to finally just feel better. Now my stomach isn't the only issue. It's my chest. I have this unbearable chest pain but it's better. I don't remember a time in the past probably ten or more years when you could press on my stomach and it not hurt. It doesn't now. And I have a couple of ribs that like to randomly pop out of place when I do strenuous activities like, blow my nose, bend over and pick up a blade of grass not even planted but just, laying on its side in the yard, you know, hard core stuff. It's very irritating. My chiropractor says that this last rib on my right side popping out all the time is from "sitting too much." I would be really offended by that except that it's bull season and I've been doing exuberant amounts of paperwork AND...I'm a writer. I can't type standing up doing jumping jacks. I mean, maybe I could. I might try that. So, when sitting on my rear, "sitting too much", my rib just gets sick of holding up my lazy body, takes a nap and falls out of place. It's apparently even bored in my body and just moves completely out. So, with my oh so much time on my hands, I have to take about 2 hours of my day and go to the chiropractor in the next town over, about 2 - 3 times a week, where I proceed, with the help of my chiropractor, to coax it into coming home. It's great fun and not painful at all.
I've always thought the gluten thing was a joke. I'm not gonna lie, I put it right in the with vegetarians and vegans and kind of made fun of those people. I know food allergies are serious business but I didn't put gluten in the same category with nuts for some reason and I'm not sure why because it's wheat, rye and barely. I didn't realize it's an allergy. Guess what two of my favorite things are in that group? Beer and Whiskey. This is precisely why the first time I was diagnosed with this I told the doctor to bite me and got a new doctor. I really should apologize to him, since he's my cousin and all. Seriously, have I already written about this? Maybe I'm having de ja vu. Boring de ja vu but at least I'm not nuts. And I can still eat nuts.
It's been two months and I think it's legit. At first I thought, okay, I can do this. Especially if I'm going to get all skinny. The Cowboy won't know what to do with himself. Just last weekend at the races he said "You look all skinny. I don't like you being skinnier than me." Um what? Was that supposed to be a compliment? You weigh 220 at least! I AM ALWAYS skinnier than you. Or smaller at least. But seriously, the weight loss thing rocked. But now I've plateaued and I WANT SOME COOKIES, CAKE, WHISKEY, BEER, ICE CREAM, CHIPS...OMG I haven't had Nacho Cheese flavor Doritos for SIX WEEKS or TX and coke OR Crown and 7. People, if I'm this dedicated to my better health, I should at least be wearing a size 6 by now. God should at least reward me with that, right? Now, if I shop at Old Navy, I am technically, wearing an 8, which is really still a 10 in regular clothes but the tag makes me feel happy. And, I'm very comfortable in all of my clothes right now which is wonderful. And, I really can't afford to buy new clothes, nor should I want to because I have enough clothes to last me until my death if I live to be Methuselah who I believe was 890 or around there. So...I'm covered. But I'm NOT LOSING ANY MORE WEIGHT. I should be bone thin right now. Argh.
I made bread pudding. When this all started the Cowboy was like "Um, wait a minute. I don't have to eat gluten free." Yes dear I know you're a glutton for gluten. I will continue to cook for you. Even Colt chimed in a day or two later. "You're still cooking stuff for us right?" Yes dear. So as a surprise, I made homemade bread pudding for the Cowboy the other night, because he loves it and I found a recipe for his favorite which is made at the Cattle Exchange in Canadian, TX, thank you to my new friend at "The Store 108" for hooking me up with the recipe and it was so easy that I was embarrassed I'd never made it before. I apparently nailed it on the first try because he said "I wouldn't change a thing and I like they way you put your pecans on the top better than how they do it inside." WIN FOR TRISH. Yay! Oh my heart. But I DIDN'T EVEN SAMPLE IT. Did I mention I should be bone ass thin right now. I DESERVE TO BE THIN!!!
I also refuse to be that person that whines in line or gripes when you cook for them, "I can't have that. Oh I'm I can't have this either" and look all sad and dismal. Well I'm doing it and really trying not to but dang it it's hard to just stop and eat somewhere! We travel all the time and a lot of our meals consist of a drive through window or a convenience store. Well there is nothing convenient about eating gluten free. The Cowboy is always wanting to "just stop for a snack and eat later." Well you can and that's fine but I CAN'T! AND I NEED FOOD! And I'm trying not to be a whiney pain in the rear but DAMMIT I CAN'T. And I'm sick of nuts and cheese and eggs. I WANT A BAG OF DORITOS!!! But I'm figuring it out. And carrying snacks in my purse. They are really great too like rice bars. I thought this poor person in front of me on the airplane might turn around and punch me in the face as I was attempting to quietly eat that thing. It's like eating a candy wrapper on crack. The whole plane knew Trish was having a gluten free snack. I SHOULD WEIGH A BUCK FIVE.
The Bible Study class I teach just started the Beth Moore study of the book of Daniel. If you don't know the story of Daniel well for crying out loud find a Bible and read it. Daniel in the lions den is one of the best Bible stories EVER! But in the first chapter of Daniel, Judah is captured by Babylon and prisoners are taken captive. Long story short, certain choice young boys are made to come and be trained by the king's people to later work for the king. They only picked strong, young, handsome, smart, of good lineage boys for this job. Well four of the boys, one being Daniel, wouldn't eat the kings food. They insisted on only eating vegetables and drinking water. The kings people were terrified because if these kids ended up all skinny they king would have their heads. So Daniel said "Then just give us 10 days. If we are thin, then you don't have to keep doing it." Well guess what? They were the biggest, strongest, ripped, in shape, hotties on the place. Okay, the Bible doesn't have that exact terminology but you get it. Well here's the thing. Excluding the grains, that's kind of gluten free. And, if we eat WHAT GOD MADE, the way GOD DESIGNED YOUR BODY and the use the fuel that HE DESIGNED FOR YOUR BODY, well we'd all look like Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednigo. Whoooaaaaoooooo...that last little bit was a musical number from my childhood. Ask me to sing it for you sometime. I can do it on demand and so can my sister and my children. And we will.
Here's the other thing. I've eaten Jenny Craig food and Nutrisystem food. I'm not proud of it but yes I've tried that garbage. Guess what the food tastes like? Gluten free. If you will just take the time to prepare fresh meat and veggies, mostly veggies, you're eating gluten free. But dang it it takes time! And it's expensive! We all want to eat fast crap out of a box because we have to go go go and we were always in such a hurry and I want it now and simple and easy. Well, our bodies are pretty amazing if you stop and think about it. And you only get one. Why in the world do we fill them with garbage?
Try the Daniel test. Spend two weeks just eating things God made. Nothing from a box. No pie, cake, chips, ice cream. Just fruits, meat and veggies. Don't be a glutton. Just eat normal portions but try it and see how you feel. I think you will find that this God of ours, He knows what He's doing. We are the morons that keep screwing it up.
For the record, I've had a few people tell me how good I look lately and asked my secret. It's no secret...it's no gluten. BAM. It sucks giant weenies, and yes, I can eat giant weenies I think, if no wheat are mixed in with the pig lips and snouts, wahoooo, but, it works. It's no fun but seriously, it's worth the pain free tummy. I will forge on.
Comments