A month or so ago I was asked to speak at the Missouri youth rodeo association's church service. My sister in law dropped off her daughter for me to babysit one morning and then asked if I would preach, three days later, in Kansas. In three days? Holy moly. I may have already written about this, I'm not sure because my brain is official a noodle. Here's the thing. I'M HAVING A WEDDING AT MY HOUSE IN LESS THAN THREE WEEKS. I'm so slammed. I'm so tired. I'm just kind of running around and everything around me is a blur. But here's the other thing. Can I say no to God? "Oh hey God, thanks for all of the many blessings you have bestowed upon me and my family each and every day but I don't feel like driving an hour and preaching for you on Sunday." Is that a thing? Of course not. It doesn't work that way. Not for me anyway. I mentioned my nervousness and not really wanting to do this to the Cowboy and said "I mean, I basically do it every week anyway, trying to give myself a pep talk and talk myself into it and immediately he said "Well I was going to say, what's the big deal? You do it every week." Argh. Thank you for your support! Why don't you do it!!!. :(
So I did it. It was fine. The people were so kind and thanked me and a little boy even came up and thanked me for the message. It made it all totally worth the stress and nerves. I didn't even know what "the message" was when I was his age. Well last weekend we were at a rodeo off in Oklahoma somewhere and I walked up to a lady that I kind of know to chat and she said "My daughter just came up and grabbed me and said "Mom! That's the lady that preached at our church service last rodeo." Holy guacamole Batman. Talk about make a person accountable in a fast, fast hurry. I laughed and told her Mom, "Whoa. I better mind my P's and Q's because obviously, the little ones are watching me!!! I've not always been the greatest role model. In fact, I've done a lot I'm not very proud of. In fact, I may have done it in this town. Maybe at this very rodeo arena and maybe standing in this spot!" We laughed and laughed but man I wasn't kidding and I was feeling really uncomfortable in a fast, fast hurry.
The Bible talks a lot about such things. Teachers are going to be held to a a higher standard, a higher judgment as well. If you are in charge of God's message, you better not screw it up. So I'd like to take this time to tell you all, I quit. I'm too scared to proceed with this quick moving path that my life has taken me on and so I am throwing in the towel. Hahahahaha! I'm kidding of course, kind of, but I am seriously terrified. I'm about the farthest thing from a preacher that you can be and somehow I've gone from blogger, to writer, to preacher, overnight and folks, it's very unsettling and I'm not sure I'm cool with it.
A few weeks ago, I got my heart broken bad. And then the Cowboy ran over my dog and crushed the little heart I had left and my very soul. He was sick. I cried for THREE DAYS over my beautiful Zeus. That dog gave me so much pleasure. I'm just broken hearted over it. . Seriously, I could use a bone thrown my way. But back to my heart. Somebody that I care about deeply just flat out lied to me. It's apparently not the first time and I guess I'm really stupid. I've always just kind of rolled along and dealt with it but this time was different. This time it was straight to my face and I learned later that it was just a bold face lie. The worse part was, it was over something stupid but I spent valuable time and made phone calls regarding a situation that I'd have never had to do if this person would have just told me the truth. They eventually came clean, which I appreciate and took a large amount of courage, but literally a couple of weeks later and precious time was lost. I lost it. I couldn't even look at this person for weeks. I cried and cried because I was so mad and hurt. SOOOOO MAD!!! And then that little girl.
After the rodeo the other night, man the devil started working on me good. I instantly began to have all of these horrible feelings of self doubt washing over me. I mean like a flash flood. "You're a fake. You are writing books about Jesus and you cuss like a sailor. Your past is something isn't it Trish? Who do you think you are to stand here for the Lord? Do you even know Jesus? Who are you to be preaching to anybody? You can't even forgive somebody that lied to you." Satan...Mic drop.
So what would Jesus do? Well he forgives us every, single, time, every, single, day, every, single, minute. So that's what I did. I talked to my friend and explained how hurt I was and that it can't ever happen again but that I forgave them and I love them. The two weeks prior, I began to find so many things in the Bible just popping up in my Bible studies about lying. Liars do not fair well in the Bible or the end times, just so y'all know. Revelation talks a lot about liars and it usually involves fire. Don't lie! And if you do, confess now and go and sin no more!
I'm a liar for taking so long to forgive this person to begin with. If I'm really buying this Jesus juice I'm selling, well I should have forgiven this person instantly. So I'm a liar too. God, please forgive me.
Here's the deal. I'm just a girl. I'm not Jesus. I'm not perfect. I'm not a preacher. I'm just a chick who works really hard every day at several demanding jobs, trying to do the best that I can. I'm learning more and more about God each day by studying His word because I crave Him. I believe He's given me the gift of writing to do a job for Him and so I will continue to do what I feel He's called me to do. I believe that's all any of us can do. And I believe Satan is a liar.
So let's do this! Let's rock this thing called life with no more snakes in the garden lying to us about our self worth. Take that garden hoe and smash his liar head in. Let's start with forgiving ourselves and know that Christ has already forgiven us so why can't we???? And let's go out and sell this Jesus juice and drink it up knowing full well that we are loved, we are forgiven and we are His. We rock! And maybe I am a preacher! ;)
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