I started reading a book last week called Imagine Heaven. It's written by John Burke and he's a preacher but had a lot of the same questions I have about heaven and some aren't always what you might say, pleasing to God or to myself. The actually made me ashamed. Like, "Will I be bored in heaven?" Seriously, I've thought that. Or "Do we just sit around and sing hymns and praise God all day?" I mean it's not that I don't want to but again, won't that be boring?
Won't that get old and won't God get sick of it? I don't know a bunch of them by heart. And then I've just beat myself up over it and prayed for forgiveness because Lord, I will just be happy to be there. And as I've stated 100 times, I know I'll be hauling trash and I'm fine with that!
The book is about near death experiences and he kept hearing some and decided to dig in deeper and interview everyone he could find who had had one. They are all so similar. It's just about the most exciting book I've ever read. And he gives you the scriptures in Revelations to show the the similarities to what these people say, and what John describes in Revelations, which was revealed to him by God. These people aren't dreaming, they aren't hallucinating, they are in heaven. And some...well they are in hell.
Well I'd just started the book and we were on our way to Texas to see Emma's last college rodeo of the year. We had stopped to eat and Arnold called because a man was here to buy bulls. There were no spread sheets in the office. I'd made five that Monday and so I was irritated but the Cowboy was furious because it didn't matter that there were five in the office on Monday, there were none today. I remember seeing one with something spilled all over it, one in the horse barn, one in the truck and remember being really miffed but I didn't go print out more. I didn't intentionally not do it, I just assumed those two knew where they were since THEY PUT THEM THERE. Well, in their defense, the customers tend to take off with them too. They do. But 5? I'm convinced they are wiping with them or something. Eating them for lunch. I have no idea. So I was in trouble. The look he gave me and the tone of his voice was so that I was ready to HAPPILY hitchhike or simply walk back home from Tulsa. I didn't care which, I just wasn't going on to Texas, with that. He immediately sensed that he was about to ruin hotel sex for himself and the entire weekend and changed his tune. And, for the record, he's getting better in his older age. It's lovely. Yes I should have had sheets in the barn. It was my fault but I didn't and there wasn't much to do about it then. Yes I probably need to teach Arnold how to use the computer but I probably won't. I'll just do better. All I can do is try and do better.
While reading this book, it describes what happens when these people die and what they see. Like 95 percent of them all describe light but it's not like you've heard about before. I'll talk about this more later but they all tell about being in a room with the brightest light they've ever seen and it's Jesus and the love they feel is indescribable. I mean, no words. They all agree that they have never felt that kind of love in their entire lives on this earth, ever. And then, you know how people say your life flashes before your eyes right before you die? Well it does after you die too and you stand with Jesus and everything you've ever done or said is in the room with you. Like all around you. Pictures of your life. And He wants to know, "How did you love?" I have tears in my eyes right now because I know I haven't always loved the best and I know I'm going to be accountable for that someday. So while you are watching this and hearing Jesus ask you this, He is never one time casting a feeling of judgment. You are still feeling this 100% full on, unconditional, unwavering love. Can you even imagine that?
I'm a parent folks and last weekend alone I wanted to stomp my tiniest in a mud hole. I love her. I always will but at that moment, I didn't feel love. I was mad and I'm sure she wasn't seeing light and love flowing from my body. More like smoke shooting out my ears and nostrils. Maybe fire. I was that hot. So I was reading in the truck and I told the Cowboy about this part of the book and how everyone sees their life. I said "You know that look you shot me back in the restaurant? Well you're going to see that again someday and you're going to get to explain it to Jesus." You should have seen the look he gave me then! Hahahahahaha!
I tried to pose a question on Facebook one day from another Bible study that I'm doing and Beth Moore was talking about a passage in 3 John 5-14 where John literally calls a man BY NAME in the BIBLE. He says "I wrote something to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to have first place among them, does not receive us." Can you imagine being THAT GUY in the Bible? Gee whiz that would really suck. I mean, it beats Judas. LOL! She says, "If just one sentence was to be written about your life in Scripture, like this one about Diotrephes, what do you suppose it would be?" People wrote me back with things like "She's trying but I love her anyway" or "She worries too much." It's not asking what God thinks of you or what you think of you. What would somebody else write about you? What do others see in you? And are you that same person all the time? What do you say about you?
God loves you. But how have you loved? How do you love? Are you trying to be first? Do you want life to just be about you? Do you think of only yourself before others? We all have improvements to make. I have too many to count. But I'm searching and I'm trying. Love is shown in so many ways. Doing your job well, to the glory of God. Babysitting for somebody. Doing your families laundry and cooking them meals. A casserole or cake when somebody is in need. Holding your tongue instead of saying something you will regret. Showing up for friends and family when you are too tired to be there. Saying yes when you really want to say no. (Sometimes saying no is best too. That's a whole other story.) Making a phone call. Sending an encouraging text. Mailing a card. Love "does."
Here's the coolest thing. Beth says "God hasn't put a period at the end of our sentences yet." I hope that when I get to heaven, and I will because I know that Jesus is God's son and He died for my many, many sins, but my hope is that my wall from 50 years to 100 years, and yes I plan to be on the Today Show with Smucker's Jelly before I die on my 100th birthday, LOL, that those 50 years are full of pictures of love and far outweigh the pictures of the bad. That's my new goal. I want a memory board full of love and laughter.
Here's the thing, we can't hit a delete button. It's like the internet and it's always going to be there. But God forgave you. Jesus has taken your hit. You're golden. So why don't we start the best scrapbook God has ever seen starting this day forward. Fill that baby up with love and laughter, joy and thanksgiving. Let the rest of your life be so wonderful, that you hardly see any of the bad.
I'm so thankful for you all and your support. The book signing was a blast and I hope if you haven't already, you'll buy a book. And if you don't, well you know what, that's fine too. I'm blessed in that I don't have to write to eat. If I did, at least I'd be really skinny. ;) Have a great hump day everyone!
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