As an artist, you're usually your own worst critic. I don't know about you, but that is certainly the case with me, for me and about me. You may be thinking, "Well, I'm not an artist" but you are. God gave you some kind of gift and I bet you doubt it's ability constantly. Sadly, it's just what we humans tend to do. And if we don't, well then we are considered conceited or proud. I'll come back to that. Actually, read the chapter in my new book about pride to tackle that one. It's never-ending so I'm sure it will come up again. Pride loves to rear it's ugly head.
As a writer, I doubt myself and my ability constantly. I'll write something and I'll be really excited about it and even think it's good work. Then, I'll go back years later, sometimes even days and almost be embarrassed because I didn't express my feelings adequately or I could have written it better. I will rip it apart instead of seeing it as the raw, beautiful gift God gave to me. I question myself often and I also question my editor. I can't believe that I might be great at something and I so I have to be convinced. She is always having to give me a pep talk because her "It's really good" didn't say "It's really supercalafragilisticexpialidocious awesome" or have 47 emojis and she didn't express enough excitement about it. Am I a child? Do I have to have the sugar on my medicine before I swallow it? Apparently so. Well grow up Trish. It's her job to edit my work, not hold my hand. Well sorry Jennifer but it's both. And spellcheck and fact check for the love of Pete so I don't want to sit in a corner and suck my thumb.
I started reading "It's Not Supposed To Be This Way" by Lisa Terkeurst recently and in it she quotes from the book "Art and Fear" and states this. "Making art provides uncomfortably accurate feedback about the gap that inevitably exists between what you intended to do, and what you did." Whoa. I had to read it at least three times and let it really sink in. Please, you do the same. As I look back at my first book, this makes so much sense to me. It's okay. The book is good. Some of it is actually really great but as I stated, it was my FIRST BOOK. It was my editor's FIRST PUBLISHED EDIT to my knowledge and we are simply human. Neither of us were getting paid to do it, well, she was but not a true editor's salary. I'll type it again. "Making art provides uncomfortably accurate feedback about the gap that inevitably exists between what you intended to do, and what you did." We never INTEND to fail. And this statement applies to EVERYTHING. Think about it with regard to sports or cooking or relationships. Think about it with regard to roping. When my daughter enters the roping box, do you think she ever intends to miss? When my oldest daughter entered the pitching circle, do you think she ever intended to walk a batter? Well, sometimes but only if it was Godzilla. Bad example. When you are walking down the aisle to marry the man or woman of your dreams, are you planning your divorce? NO! But yet, in creeps the doubt. The slimy, slippery, creepy, crawling up your skin...doubt.
Lisa goes on to say, "And the gap never stays silent." IT DOESN'T! I HATE THAT SUPID GAP! "It reverberates with commentary. Sadly, for too many of us it's a negative commentary. This is such a ploy of Satan. He loves to take a beautiful moment of life and fill it with a negative narrative about our failures that plays over and over until the voice of God is hushed." Doesn't that infuriate you? I'm so very irritated with myself that I have been so blind to all of this! I'm sure that pleases Satan too! Ugh! I never want to hush the voice of God!
"Satan perverts the reality that we are beloved children of God. He wants our thoughts to be tightly entangled in his thoughts." Yuck! I want NOTHING "entangled" with Satan, ever! That is terrifying stuff isn't it? And we buy it! We swallow it, hook, line and sinker. And we drown. We are defeated. We feel inadequate, untalented and broken. She goes on to say, "These are his thoughts. This is his script: Not. Good. Enough. We hear it when we try to create. We hear it when we try to be brave and start anything new. We hear it when we try to overcome what has been and step into what could be." How many times have you said that to yourself? I do it ALL THE TIME! I do it the most with my writing, with the way I look, with exercising and eating right, with painting, (Okay actually, Satan is right about my house painting. I need to leave that to someone else. That is not my gift. Hahahaha!)
"When God converts the truth, the enemy perverts the truth. God wants us transformed, but Satan wants us paralyzed." And it works doesn't it? I literally fight my head with this daily! Especially with my writing. I've been up since 5:30 a.m. this morning with all of this information in my head. I KNOW it's from God. I KNOW it's my gift from HIM TO ME FOR HIM and yet, I question it. "What are my motives? Am I trying to be famous? Do I write to please myself or God? Am I even a writer at all?" When I came across this chapter in her book and the quote from "Art and Fear" I was furious! THIS IS ME! The doubt, the fear, the questioning. AWAY FROM ME SATAN! (My computer keeps spelling Stan for Satan btw, poor Stan whoever you are. I'll never be fond of that name from this day forward.)
Think about it with the way we feel about our appearance. Do you think you are beautiful? Do you need to lose weight? Sometimes we do need to lose weight and we should. We just get one body and we should take care of it. He gave us all of the right food to do this and when we eat that food, we are healthier and stronger. Try it. But, God made us all in different shapes, sizes and colors. We are all different masterpieces of the Master! He knew EXACTLY what He was doing when He created each one of us, individually and beautifully and He doesn't make mistakes or accidents. We were "wonderfully made" and "created in His image." And yet, when we get up in the morning, the first thing we do is try and change the way we look. Okay, take a shower and brush your hair and teeth for crying out loud but work with me here. We put on make up, we dress up in clothes to get attention, we color our hair, we shave places that really aren't supposed to be shaved. Do you think that might be offensive to God? Isn't his craftsmanship enough for us? I mean, He is the ultimate artist, isn't He? Whoa. I'm even freaking myself out right now.
Here's what I think. I think it's nice to get all fixed up and pretty. I don't think God minds it at all. I think it's part of taking care of ourselves and He probably appreciates that. But here's what I also think. I think we need to give ourselves a big, fat, break and embrace all of the wonderful things, gifts, talents, beauty and skills that God has given us. We need to not worry so much about what's on the outside and think about what's on the inside! We need to share our gifts, talents and treasures with the world because that is why God gave them to us. And we need to share them with HIM. We were simply made and put on this earth for His pleasure. So why don't we please Him? Show off for your creator today. Show Him the beauty in all of His creations and make Him swell with pride and nod His glorious head as He sips His I'm sure not decaffeinated coffee this morning and hear Him say "That's my girl! Right there! That's my boy! That's exactly who I created them to be!" And let His light shine through you like never before.
I heard a preacher Sunday talking about tithing. Tithing is always such a sore subject for people. Especially the congregations on Sunday mornings and it really shouldn't be. The Lord loves a cheerful giver. I will testify to you right now that they more you give, the more you will receive. I know this to be true because we live it. But I've never understood the parable of the talents until now. This man said "If you are able to manage and care for something small, then God will give you something big." In other words, He's not going to give you more until you show Him what you do with less! Isn't that so much easier to understand??? The woman in the Bible at the synagogue that gave all that she had? Well she's still being talked about today.
You are a masterpiece. Take what God has given you and go big. Don't let anyone tell you that you are not good enough. You've got this, just as you are.
Away from me Satan! I have something to say for my King and I am going to say it LOUD AND PROUD. This is MY STORY!
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